INFORMATION ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Many people do not understand the abusive relationship.

'Why don't they leave?'

'How can she go back?'

'Why does he put up with it?'

are some of the puzzled questions that are often asked.

Sunshine Project understands that the 'pulls' of an abusive relationship can be just as strong as the 'pulls' in any other relationship.

We understand there is often the need to go back/take a partner back, before a person can finally leave for good, or not allow a negative person into their life anymore.

Domestic Violence is not just about physical violence. Domestic Violence also covers verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. It can be a form of bullying, someone exerting control over another, whether it be physically, verbally or emotionally, trying to get someone to do what they want without any regard for the other persons needs.

 Allowing another person to impose restrictions over time has been studied and it has been found that this causes stress, which in turn can cause a high heart rate variability. This has potential for future health problems.  Being controlled and /or physically abused can also cause another part of the victim to rebel, and the results can be impulse buying, or gambling, or other rebellious activities. Unfortunately these behaviours can have negative results for the self, affecting life and relationships. (From studies by Vohs and Faber 2007, Segerstrom et al 2007))

With professional help a person can turn their life around and find the strengths to make a better life.

Domestic Violence can involve other family members and is not confined to a couple relationship.

Men can suffer from domestic violence as well as women, and this can present a different set of problems as so many people just cannot understand this. An abused man who is being controlled, or physically attacked, can very often find it hard to admit it happens, let alone ask for help. Sunshine Project recognizes the reality of this and understands why this can happen.

An abuser will say they love their partner, but the theory is they are not capable of healthy love as their love comes with verbal abuse, physical violence, or control. Very often the partner of an abuser will feel stressed because they constantly try to make things better by different behaviours. This is not possible as the person who needs to change behaviour is the abuser, and in theory the abusive personality cannot change. The abusive personality does not simply mean someone who abuses. Many perpetrators seek help to change and do change. Some people however do not have the personality to be able to do this and so they continue, in each relationship they enter. It is important that the abused partner recognizes this. Whatever relationship the abuser is in, this is how it will eventually be, unless he or she meets another abuser, and then the roles can be reversed.

There can be nowhere for abused men to go, as all domestic violence refuges are for women.

This is an area where telephone or internet counselling can be a preferred option as there is complete anonymity.

Any man or woman who suffers domestic abuse does not have to endure it. Contacting a third party can be the first step to finding the strength to change things.

Perpetrators seeking help can be assisted to understand and change their behaviour.

Remember it is a crime to rape, harass, or physically attack someone.

The Family Law Act can provide protection through a solicitor to prevent any family member from abusing or harassing another.

Not all cases are covered by family law, it depends on the relationship, and sometimes criminal prosecution is necessary. Public funding can be available in certain cases. The police can be powerless if the victim does not make a statement.

There are different ways the law can protect a person and a solicitor can help and advise.

If you feel you are in immediate danger go to your nearest police station or dial 999

other useful contacts:

Leeway DV Helpline 0845 2412171

www.mensadviceline.org.uk

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Samaritans 08457 909090 (24hrs)

Victim Support 0845 3030900 

Womens Aid helpline 0808 2000 247